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Alright, alright, settle down yer teacups, you lot. The internet’s in a right tizzy again, this time over some new shooter called XDefiant. Apparently, gamers are up in arms – like a bunch of toddlers who lost their Fortnite privileges. Nowt new there, eh? But before we all start chucking our controllers at the telly, let’s have a gander at these complaints, shall we?

First off, there’s the usual suspects – bugs and hit registration issues. Now, look, nobody enjoys getting blasted to smithereens by a ghost bullet, but here’s the thing: games these days are practically built on spaghetti code held together with hopes and dreams. It’s a right shambles, the lot of it. But do these youngsters expect a flawless experience on day one? Back in my day, we played games riddled with more bugs than a compost heap, and you know what? We managed just fine. We used our brains, a bit of elbow grease, and maybe a dash of good ol’ fashioned luck.

Then there’s the whole kerfuffle about “aftermarket controllers” – fancy words for those souped-up joypads with auto-aim and rapid fire. Nowt wrong with a bit of customization, mind you, but when it gives some teenagers with the attention span of a goldfish an unfair advantage? That’s where I draw the line. It’s like turning up to a game of tiddlywinks with a pneumatic cannon. Where’s the sportsmanship in that?

Now, some folks are calling for more challenges, more ways to “grind” – whatever that means. Look, here’s a challenge for you lot: put the controller down, step outside, and see if you can identify a real-life bird by its song. That’ll keep you busy for a good hour, I reckon. Besides, haven’t these youngsters heard of the joy of simply playing a game for the fun of it? You know, that thing where you actually, dare I say, enjoy the competition?

And don’t even get me started on cross-team chat. Bunch of whingeing about “toxicity” and “hurt feelings.” Here’s a fact of life, sonny Jim: the internet’s a rough and tumble place. You want sunshine and rainbows? Go join a knitting circle. A bit of smack talk is all part of the competitive spirit, innit? Besides, a well-placed insult can be far more effective than any bullet.

Look, XDefiant might have its problems, but is it really the unplayable mess these millennials make it out to be? Probably not. More likely, it’s a case of gamers these days being a touch soft. They need their participation trophies, their safe spaces, and their games pre-loaded with victory. Here’s a thought: how about a bit of patience, a dash of resilience, and maybe a sprinkle of actual skill? That might just do the trick.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date with a good cuppa and a game of patience that actually requires some brainpower. Keep calm and frag on, you lot. But for goodness sake, try not to break anything in the process.

Scotty McG out.