In a world where the sun sets on the British Empire at precisely tea time, a new game has dawned upon us, promising to keep us indoors and our katanas sharp. Yes, folks, it’s the announcement of ‘Dark Samurai,’ and it’s about as subtle as a bull in a china shop.

From the land where bubble tea flows more freely than water, Taipei has unleashed upon us a horde survival game that’s set to redefine family game night – because who needs bonding when you can have online co-op?

‘Dark Samurai’ is not just any roguelike game; it’s a commitment, a lifestyle, a digital dojo of destruction. With permanent progression, it’s like life – you can’t take your gold or your shuriken to the grave, but you can sure as heck pass them on to your next of kin in-game.

The multiplayer is a technological marvel, with fully deterministic rollback networking that’s as reliable as a London bus schedule. It guarantees a lag-free experience, which is more than I can say for my last Zoom call.

As for the horde survival, it’s a demon-slaying, loot-collecting extravaganza. You can level up, unlock abilities, and discover equipment that would make even the most stoic samurai weep with joy. And the best part? Upgrades are as permanent as the Queen’s Guard – unflinching and ever-present.

Choose your character class wisely, from sword-wielding warriors to bow-toting rangers, each with more options than a British menu – and just as exotic.

The open world is a love letter to feudal Japan, minus the actual feudalism. It’s got more cherry blossoms than a haiku convention and enough lanterns to make any fire safety officer nervous.

Quests are as rich and varied as a platter of scones, offering rewards that’ll have you richer than a City banker. Help the locals, increase your reputation, and unlock opportunities that are as enticing as a Bank Holiday weekend.

So, grab your digital katana and prepare to defend your honor (or at least your high score). ‘Dark Samurai’ is here, and it’s as serious as a Morris dancer at a rave.