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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and all you gamers out there who still can’t decide between console and PC, have I got news for you! The System Shock Remake has finally graced our consoles, and it’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer at a glassware convention.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Scotty, is this just another one of those remakes where they slap on some new paint and call it a day?” Oh, my dear readers, it’s so much more than that. It’s like they took the original game, fed it a steady diet of steroids and energy drinks, and let it loose on the unsuspecting public.

Let’s talk specs, shall we? If you’re rocking a PS5 or Xbox Series X/S, you’re in for a treat smoother than a buttered-up otter sliding down a water slide. We’re talking 60fps with a target resolution of native 4K. That’s right, 4K, as in “4 times the K you probably need,” but who’s counting? And for those of you still clutching your PS4s and Xbox Ones like they’re family heirlooms, don’t fret – the game’s got you covered too, with a performance that’s as reliable as a tax bill.

But it’s not just about how the game looks; it’s about how it feels. And let me tell you, it feels like your favorite pair of jeans after you’ve lost that holiday weight – just right. The controls are smoother than a politician at a baby-kissing contest, and the gameplay? It’s as engaging as my Aunt Edna at a family reunion, and trust me, that’s saying something.

So, what’s the verdict, you ask? Should you play the System Shock Remake? In the words of my dear old grandma, “Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?” Absolutely. It’s a cross-gen release that’s highly recommended, like a doctor’s note that gets you out of gym class. It’s a game that doesn’t hold your hand, but instead gives you a firm pat on the back and says, “Go get ’em, tiger.”

In conclusion, if you haven’t already, go get your hands on this piece of retro modern magic. It’s like finding a twenty in an old pair of jeans, except this twenty can shoot lasers and hack computers. And if that doesn’t get you excited, then I don’t know what will.

Until next time, keep your consoles warm and your coffee warmer. Scotty out. ✌️

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Disclaimer: No actual systems were shocked in the making of this game or article. But if your system does experience shock, please consult your nearest electrician.¹