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In the deadpan style that’s as dry as a bone in the Sahara, let’s talk about the latest game that’s got more layers than an onion in therapy. Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your wallets, because ‘The Foretold: Westmark Legacy’ is here, and it’s turning the heat up on Steam faster than a kettle in a power surge.

Release Date: April 30, 2024, at a time when most Brits are sipping their 4 PM tea – that’s 4 PM BST for the uninitiated.

Price: It’s going for £15.99, which is a steal really, considering it’s about the cost of two London lattes or one very disappointing sandwich.

Now, let’s dive into the abyss of this Lovecraftian labyrinth. You play as Herbert Westmark, a paranormal curator who probably has more issues than Vogue. He’s accompanied by Ambrose, a demon who’s less ‘parasitic’ and more ‘freeloading roommate’. Together, they’re poking around Burrmouth, a town with more missing people than a magician’s convention.

The game promises a ‘mind-bending dive into the unknown’, which is just a fancy way of saying you’ll be as lost as a GPS-less tourist in Piccadilly Circus. But fear not! You can equip weapons, relics, and whatnot to fend off the things that go bump in the night. And by ‘things’, I mean monsters that are probably just misunderstood introverts.

Key features include:

• A world map with more random encounters than a night out in Soho.
• A narrative so deep, you’ll need a submarine to get to the bottom of it.
• Branching dialogues that’ll have you questioning your life choices.
• Persona Points, because who doesn’t love a good old existential crisis?
• Skill Checks to prove you’re the Sherlock Holmes of the supernatural.

So, if you fancy a trip to the dark side without the inconvenience of leaving your couch, ‘The Foretold: Westmark Legacy’ might just be your cup of tea – or should I say, your mug of mystery. Just remember, in Burrmouth, the only thing scarier than the monsters is the realisation that you’ve spent another evening in front of your computer screen. Spooky, right?

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